random stuff on the web

How Gum is Made.........

Asian guy is having his "SNACK" ( bread and jam) when an American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Asian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
American: "You Asian folks eat the whole bread??"
Asian (in a bad mood): "Of course."
American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them
into croissants and export them to Asia."
The American has a smirk on his face. The Asia listens in silence.
The American persists: "D'ya eat jelly with the bread??"
Asian : "Of Course."
American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and export them to Asia ."
The Asian ( pissed of) then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.
Asian : And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Asian : "We don't. In Asia, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and export them to America.

SEXUAL CALORIE COUNTER

It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the calorific expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after original and proprietary research they are proud to present the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent....................... 12 Calories
Without her consent.................... 187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands........................ 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
With your teeth........................ 85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection....................... 6 Calories
Without an erection.................... 315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
Trying to find the! G-Spot.............. 92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary............................. 52 Calories
69 lying down.......................... 78 Calories
69 standing up......................... 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow............................ 216 Calories
Her on top.............................. 524 Calories
Doggy Style............................ 726 Calories
Donkey punch..................... 912 Calories

ORGASMIC:
Real................................... 112 Calories
False.................................. 315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
40-49 years........................... . 1124 Calories
50-59 years............................ 1972 Calories
60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
70 and over......................... Results are still pending

DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly................................. 32 Calories
In a hurry............................. 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
With your spouse knocking at the door.... 5521 Calories
With her spouse knocking at the door.... 10,521 Calories